One of the best things I learned from my therapist

It might save you from holiday disappointments.

This post arrives early this week since I hope we all have reasons to be offline this Wednesday. If for nothing else, maybe just for the sake of being offline.

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I like to say I’m a recovering perfectionist.

My perfectionism manifests itself in optimisation.

I often try to make the most of every experience and maximise all opportunities.

My perfectionism was a big topic when I entered cognitive behavioural therapy about a decade ago. I sought help for my feelings of burnout and inadequacy and working with my therapist revealed a lot about the demands I was putting on myself and others.

For some reason, I expected myself to always make the best choices.

If I failed to consider all possible outcomes and predict all possible scenarios, I considered my decisions as failures. My negative self-talk told me that I should have known better or worked harder to make a better decision.

As you can imagine, this made everyday choices difficult.

Sometimes, I would be paralysed by a simple choice such as going to a coffee shop because I tried to anticipate what they had on the menu, how crowded it might be, and how I would feel not having chosen whatever other option was available.

If I ended up making the wrong choice, I would torture myself with the regret of not choosing better.

This constant need to optimise every single move was exhausting and got worse whenever I was under any stress. Life became a limbo of decision-making paralysis and constant disappointment in the decisions that turned out to be less than successful.

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One day, my therapist said something so simple yet so profound that it left a permanent mark on my psychological development.

“You are allowed to make wrong choices.”

Wow.

I felt like a rock had been lifted from my shoulders.

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Many of us want to argue that there are no wrong choices because even bad choices can lead to good outcomes.

Yes, I agree with this to some extent. However, I also think that not everything has to have a silver lining.

Wrong choices are made when we don’t fully hear our innermost desires or accept what our intuition tells us. We might make the same wrong choice over and over again until we stop to truly listen to what we already know deep inside and give this knowing the space it deserves.

Sometimes we make the wrong choice because we’re not yet ready to make the right one yet.

Sometimes we make the wrong choice because we’re lazy.

Sometimes we make the wrong choice because we’re afraid.

Whatever the reason is, it’s okay.

We’re allowed to make wrong choices.

So, if at any point during this holiday season you find yourself sitting at the wrong dinner table, or regret that you chose to spend Christmas on your own, or realise that you bought the wrong present, or fail to stick to your keto diet, or have too many drinks, or feel like you didn’t spend your time productively, know that it’s all okay.

You don’t have to frame your wrong choice as the right one. It didn’t have to bring you an important epiphany. You can just accept it was the wrong choice and move on.

You can always make the right choice today.

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Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all of you, my lovely readers.

Thanks for choosing to spend your precious time with this post.

Be kind to yourself and to those you care about.

And remember that hope is not given to us but created within and by us. Be a source of hope for yourself and others if you can.

With warm greetings from the darkness of the Finnish winter,
Aurora

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About High on Hope

Want a career where purpose comes first? This newsletter is a mix of personal growth, meaningful creative work, and big ideas. No fluffy self-help, no societal cynicism. It gives special attention to generalists, creatives, and multipassionates trying to pay the bills and leave a mark.

I, Aurora, am a multi-passionate soul with various creative pursuits, from improving work-life to merging spiritualism with science. I’m an eternal optimist and want to believe in a better future, regardless of the odds. I’m a coach for creatives, a freelance writer, a published author, a creative, a consultant, and a yoga teacher. Originally from Finland, I spent years trying to become location-independent and achieved that milestone two years ago. Now, I spend most of my time in Portugal with my partner and rescue dog called Zeus. I love to take midday dips in the ocean and have deep and meaningful chats with strangers.