What to do when you're not succeeding

There's a peculiar ache that comes with witnessing other people's success without experiencing it for yourself.

Open any social media app, and you’ll drown in success stories.

“Sharing your wins” has become a brag in disguise, a collectively accepted permission slip to trumpet our triumphs by calling it ‘inspiration’. 

They can be an inspiring read when we’re succeeding ourselves. But when we’re not? They burn like petrol in our veins, leaving us with that toxic spiral of self-doubt:

What am I doing wrong? Did I miss a secret memo? How did I suddenly become so unsuccessful?

So, I’d like to take a moment to thank my fellow writers

Lucy Werner

and

Carmen Luisa

for their recent shares, unveiling their personal memos of self-doubt:

My less-than-successful story

Now it’s my time to share: This past year hasn't matched the success I've witnessed in others. Transforming my coaching business into a remote-first venture has been more challenging than anticipated.

I've been navigating new countries and switching my primary business language from Finnish to English. It's like changing your sport while going to the Olympics.

The pivot to English opened doors to global markets but also meant that some of my long-cultivated Finnish following and professional networks became less accessible.

My choice to settle in a seaside village adds another layer of complexity. While the location feeds my soul, I'm surrounded by either tourists passing through or locals whose market reality doesn't align with my service pricing.

When I committed to internationalizing my coaching business in late 2023, I knew I was signing up for a two-year transformation. Yet, knowing this timeline intellectually doesn't make the slow progress any easier to embrace emotionally.

The irony? By objective measures, I'm far from struggling – I've maintained steady work, my bank account is healthy, and I've been actively moving the needle forward every day. But that nagging sense of 'not as successful as I could be' persists, fueled mainly by comparing my journey to others' hero journeys and win reels.

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This year I’ve also interviewed people who have struggled to achieve their version of success:

➡️ One entrepreneur wondered whether they should quit or pivot their new agency business because it hadn’t reached financial success in 4 months. 

➡️ One creative freelancer noticed that their clientele had become increasingly stingy with money. They started using internal resources and AI instead of paying the freelancer to do the work. 

➡️ Another entrepreneur had a successful physical business but was burnt out because they had too much on their plate yet couldn’t afford to hire an employee. Raising prices in this economy seemed too risky, but they also knew they couldn’t handle the amount of work anymore. 

Again, they were facing real-world challenges, which, to a stranger, sounded pretty standard. But for them, these issues were causing a lot of insecurity about who and what they should be.

We give up because we’re so ashamed

When we experience emotions of disappointment, we can easily make dramatic conclusions. Give up, quit and hide.

Lack of success ➡️ shame ➡️ disbelief in our skills and abilities ➡️ quitting on ourselves.

Shame is the worst of them. 

When your social media feed bombards you daily with others' triumphs, shame creeps up on you like fondue sauce, thick and heavy until your entire being feels stuck.

Shame makes us hide. Or, as Bréne Brown says, “Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.”

The less we speak, the more space shame occupies within us. After that, we’ll do almost anything to free ourselves from feeling it. 

This is why the honest truths I’ve shared above are so important. 

We can all hit walls, get surprised by the economy, struggle to grow, or lose momentum. By sharing our losses, we’re dipping bread in our fondue instead of being held back by it. 

Because maybe, just maybe, it’s not you but just the timing of the world.

Or maybe, what you’re doing won’t work and you’ll eventually have to pivot but you won’t get to the next idea without walking in misty rain for a while. 

Or maybe, your next big chance is around the corner if you just stick it out for a little while longer. 

To wait or pivot?

In his book Psychology of Money, Morgan Housel argues that anyone who has ever been financially successful has been playing the long game.

They haven’t sold their investments in recession but waited it out. They’ve stayed put when everyone else has gone into panic mode. 

I believe this ideology applies to more than just money. 

Patience is a virtue very few of us have. 

Waiting, sticking around, and keeping things going even when the odds aren’t on your side can be a way to differentiate yourself.

Quitting, changing your strategy midway, getting scared and bouncing from one idea to another is often exhausting and doesn’t necessarily yield any better results. 

What I personally do in the moments of no-success shame

One: Stop spending time on social media. I’ve been quietly quitting Instagram for about six months now. I also limit my time on LinkedIn and Substack whenever I notice symptoms of comparison paralysis.

Two: I look back at everything I’ve accomplished, even if it hasn’t yet yielded the results I’d like to see. For example, I’ve helped the people I’ve coached, done interviews with people and offered them my support, built a website and an online course, published 36 weekly newsletters and more, and made new friends online and offline. That’s gotta be worth something, right?

Three: I forgive myself for the success I haven’t made and the steps I haven’t taken. For example, I haven’t occupied every possible social media channel I could, and I don’t think I ever will—even though it might help me fast-track my way to success. I’ll just have to accept my slower pace and see it as a tradeoff I’m willing to make.

Four: Drag my timeline out to ensure I’m not expecting too much in too little time. Because I’ve already set a pretty realistic 2-year timeline for myself, I don’t have to stretch it just yet but I have to accept and commit to that timeline. Even if others seem to do similar things faster. Even if I doubt myself and my strategies.

Five: Trust that the universe has a plan for me, and I will be guided toward the things that belong to me. My business is built on a spiritual worldview where I alone am not in charge of everything. I believe that if I’m pursuing the right things in the right ways, I will be supported. If not, something else will surface when the time is right. I need to trust the timing of my life.

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Let’s not give up on ourselves.

Even if it’s hard, uncomfortable and vulnerable.

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Thank you for your time and presence.

And as always, remember that hope is not given to us but created within and by us. Let’s start by being hopeful about ourselves.

With kindness,
Aurora

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About High on Hope

Want a career where purpose comes first? This newsletter is a mix of personal growth, meaningful work, and big ideas. No fluffy self-help, no societal cynicism. It gives special attention to generalists, creatives, and multipassionates trying to pay the bills and leave a mark.

I, Aurora, am a multi-passionate soul with various creative pursuits, from improving work-life to merging spiritualism with science. I’m an eternal optimist and want to believe in a better future, regardless of the odds. I’m a coach for creatives, a freelance writer, a published author, a creative, a consultant, and a yoga teacher. Originally from Finland, I spent years trying to become location-independent and achieved that milestone two years ago. Now, I spend most of my time in Portugal.

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